radical resolutions in 2025

Let’s be radical in 2025. I want you to be totally successful with your new years resolution by NOT making a resolution. As some of you who have been with me for awhile know, I am someone who is very curious about what motivates us as humans and how we can tap into that to take better care of ourselves, be that meeting work or home goals, slowing down into the early postpartum days, or living a fulfilling retirement. 

I am fascinated by what really helps humans make change and I personally can say that sometimes when I set a firm a direct goal the part of myself that holds the inner rebellious teenager immediately chaffs at the expectations.

Now, over the years I’ve learned how to work with the parts of myself that might procrastinate or try to sabotage so that I can set goals without the rebellion, but I’ve also learned there are other ways to think about  goals and create a better life for myself than just a cycle of failed New Year’s resolutions. (Did you know most people give up on any resolution by February?!?)

This year, what if instead of setting a goals-based resolution (go to the gym, eat healthier, sleep more) or even a word of the year  — what if you chose a feeling for the year. (And no, the intention here is not “FEEL HAPPY” 100% of the time). 

The key is to choose a feeling state you want to move towards, and then make decisions that lead you in that direction.

Let me share a few examples to illustrate this:

Starting with the above “Happy” example. Maybe you do want to feel more happiness in your year. We wouldn’t say, “I only do things this year that make me feel happy” - I mean the garbage has to go out and it doesn’t make me feel happy to empty the diaper pail…. 100% full time happiness is not the goal for being human. 

Instead you would say I’m leaning into noticing and doing more activities where I feel happiness. Notice how happiness feels in your body so that you can recognize it when it happens! Then set an action goal from there, “I’m going to try to do one activity a week with my kids that really makes me smile.” or “I’m going to find one project at work each quarter that really fascinates me”. 

Start small!

Let’s say you want to feel more ease with your schedule. Again, start with: what does ease feel like in your body? Is there a way your shoulders relax or your jaw unclenches when you feel at ease? Next, you might review your calendar for the last year and see if there are events that particularly stress you out and rework those. Sometimes you have to be ruthless about saying no, even to fun things, if too many fun things in a row creates more stress for you.

Moving towards some feelings are bigger financial or time commitments than others. If you want to feel more connected to friends far away there is little cost to calling a friend once a month or sending a card in the mail. But if you want to feel more comfortable in your own skin as you age that may mean therapy for your mind, a new wardrobe of clothing that makes you feel great in your current shape, or getting a fitness coach who can keep safe as you learn to use weights and get stronger

Perhaps you want to feel more space for fun in the summer months. It’s kid summer camp sign up time so you will quickly investigate what feels “fun” to you. Is it having your kids home more or is it coordinating more summer camps and activities for them so that you have alone spacious time?

Sometimes I let my feeling desire be really abstract.

I’ll say, I want more evenings where I feel like I’m sitting in the soft lighting of a cozy restaurant. I would make choices that led me to more evenings of quiet connection setting dates with friends or family dinners instead of working late. I would sit down with a book more than scrolling social media.

And at 8pm when I’m trying to motivate myself to NOT just sit down and scroll, I would visualize that beautiful warm lighting and the feeling of being cozy - and then step away from the phone!

I know a lot of parents who want to feel more calm and collected for the day, so they start waking up before their kids, even by 10-15 minutes so that they feel they have a moment to themselves before diving into family chaos. 

Tell me if this is starting to make sense or let me know that I’m missing the mark! 

This year I’m cultivating the feeling of pushing to the uncomfortable edge. I’m learning a new sport this winter. Today, I’m leaving my family for a longer stretch of time than I often like to go on retreat -which I know really refuels me! I’m also contemplating a one month sabbatical over the summer (which is an edge for me because I love my work and don’t always like to stop for a month!). 

If you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear what feeling you might be cultivating this year and ideas you have to create that experience! Send me an email and I’ll read every word. 

Want more inspiration for this idea? Check out Year of Yes by Shonda Rhymes. I read it nearly a decade ago and it is absolutely the inspiration for this way of creating change in myself and my year! Plus, it’s supposed to be great an an audiobook.

As a final aside: If you set a word of the year with us last year… do you still remember your word of the year for 2024?

Mine was Create and oh man, I really dove in! I created our fully online Partner Massage for Pregnancy course, a 5-Day Partner Massage Challenge, a Busy to Bedtime yoga mini-class, changed to sharing monthly email newsletters with all our clients, and played around with social media! It was a busy year :)

I’d love to hear what your word for the year was for 2024 and the ways it did and didn’t come into fruition.